Help me beg Magun

By Bolaji Akinola

Pepe: Turaya, good afternoon. Long time. You no even ask for your sister. Na so life be?

 

Turaya: You are not my sister. You were my subordinate in the corridors of power. If not for the unfortunate incidence, who give you courage to even call me by name.

 

Pepe: Ah ah. Turaya, let bygone be bygone now. After all, you be former number one, me too I be former one. Anyway, I come beg for your help please. I need your help. (SOBS) Turaya I need your help o.

 

Turaya: (LAUGHS) So soon? Your power has ended so soon? You need my help? You that rode roughshod over me after I fell from power? Which one should I talk about, is it my NGO’s property that you snatched or which one?

 

Pepe: T-u-r-a-y-a! You no day forget something sef. That matter of six years ago. Na wah for you o. Ok, make you no vex. Look I need your help. I hear say Magunna your friend. I want make you help me beg am.

 

Turaya: Me, help you beg Magun?

 

Pepe: (HYSTERICAL) Magun don collect my money. Chei. Magun don collect all my money finish. Fifteen million dollars. E don seize am o. Magun don kill me. E don kill me finish. And I beg this Nigeria people that time. I beg them. I tell them say ‘don’t vote for change o’. I kuku tell them but den no hear. I tell them say if them vote for change, change go collect all the change we dey my hand and send me go prison. Shey you dey see my life now. Nigerians no gree hear o. Chai! See my life. Turaya, abeg help me.

 

Turaya: I warned you.

 

Pepe: If no be this election; this election way scatter everything for me and my husband, who is Magun? He no even qualify to carry my handbag. When we were in charge, even his shadow cannot pass near me. If not for this election.This election ooo. Chai! I tell Nigerians o. I tell them, please vote for my husband. Vote for him again. They said my husband no do well. Dem say he no perform well. I tell them say that is the more reason why they must vote for him again. After all, if a child fail, he should be allowed to repeat the class. If my husband failed, he should be allowed to repeat his term. And I beg them. Don’t vote for change because I know say change go collect all my change. And change go send me to jail. Me I no wan go jail. But them no hear. Chai! Chai!! Chai!!! See my life o. Turaya, what can you do, abeg?

 

Turaya: I can’t help you Pepe. Even me sef, I need help. N91million was stolen from me just last week.

 

Pepe: You see life? Where you get N91million from? And Magun no touch you but him day pursue me all over the world for my own money.

 

Turaya: See you. What’s N91million compared to your own fifteen million dollars. Where did you get that huge amount of money from? Why not tell your husband to go meet them for powerhouse and discuss it.

 

Pepe: Husband? That one na husband? If t say he get live at all, I for still day powerhouse. No be him create all this mess? Beg talk another thing.

 

Turaya: Call Esselensi Ayesha then. She can help you talk to oga.

 

Pepe: That one? She no answer my phone call since last year.

 

Turaya: Na so. When you were also in power, did you ever answer my call? You were so power-drunk you kept me waiting for more than five hours the day I came to see you at the power house. And after the five hours sef, you merely sent someone to tell me you were too tired to see me. Now your eyes are open.

 

Pepe: My eyes are wide open. But still help me call Magun and beg him. I need my money o.

 

Turaya: Maybe you should call Amechi. He was your son and townsman. And he is one of them. 

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